I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
