dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
