she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
