She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
