I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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