She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
