I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
