sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
