You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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