a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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