i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
