sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
