I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
