on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
