This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
