they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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