doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Congratulations! We have a period
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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