Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
