Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
