I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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