And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my poor anus
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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