youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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