Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
