just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
