Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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