We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the condom got lost in my hair
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
