if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
