Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
