I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
