Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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