he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
