he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
