I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
