Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
