Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
