My cat gives me a boner
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
