Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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