if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
