In the future we'll all be gay
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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