You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
