Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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