How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
