Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
