i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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