That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
