I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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