ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
