just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
