If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
