The maid of honor just puked.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
