Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
