Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
