I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
