im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
