just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
