You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
